One Small Whisper Created The Butterfly Effect

English: Siproeta epaphus, Butterfly World (Florida) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Just 18 months ago,  I made myself a quiet vow to 'call my spirit back' - to live fully, honestly and joyfully. I was tired and fed up with the relentless drudgery of life as I knew it, and I knew it was within my power to change it. It seemed such a simple wish - one that could only bring good in to my life. Like the butterfly and chaos theory, now I know how a small but heartfelt intention can, literally, change the world as we know it. 

I was at home, for once, and had just read the story of a remarkable man called David Chetlahe Paladin (see post). His extraordinary experiences and powerful words had stirred something within me. His story explained the importance of calling back your power from experiences that drain the life-force from your body. 

"Call your spirit back! No one can live without his spirit. Your spirit is your power!" 

Ever had that experience when you're reading something, and it feels like the author is literally reaching out and talking to you - just you? Well, for me it was as strong as the booming voice from those National Lottery adverts "It's you!" - and I literally sat upright and looked around, thinking that there was someone else in the room with me.

It was the beginning of November 2007, I had been very ill (highly unusual for me!) after a business trip to Morocco, and I was contemplating life. I had no energy, I felt deflated and low (again, most unlike me) and literally as though the life-force was draining out of me and I could do nothing to stop it. So David's 'call to action' absolutely resonated with me - and I made a simple vow to myself that I was going to call back my spirit.

It was a small action, as insignificant as the flapping wings of a butterfly - I simply wrote in my notebook. But I'm certain it marked the beginning of the chaos and torturous upheavals that were to follow.

I can honestly say that over the next 18 months I have truly come to learn the meaning of endurance. The hits have been absolutely relentless - within the first 6 months we had to deal with court appearances to evict unruly tenants, house sale falling through and devaluing enormously in the process, financial crisis, complete re-structure and office move for our business, and at the same time keeping our heads together to win and deliver for new clients. It was like one of those nightmares where the monsters are always moving towards you - slowly, but you know they're going to get you. 

But through it all I kept on reminding myself to stay strong and to look for the gifts in the situation. I remembered to watch out for my self-talk, I kept focused on the positive, and somehow we came through. Together we made it - my adored and beloved husband and I had kept our heads and weathered the storm together.

Business was coming in, the house had sold, we were earning plenty to pay off the business debts, and I worked out that by the end of the year, 2008, we'd be debt-free as well as being happy!

But it soon turned out that I'd only experienced the first shock waves - there were plenty more to follow. My spirit, I think, must have been pretty hard of hearing at that stage - or just plain stubborn, because it was to take a barrage of even bigger, more unbearable experiences for it to hear me calling it back... and all because of those few simple words I promised to myself.